the_family_firm

Do mothers automatically get custody?

Fri, 15 May 2026 18:39:26 GMT

Nope. Let's talk about why.

This is one of the most common myths about custody—almost every day I hear someone say they assume the mom always gets custody.

Not in Alabama.

While that may have been true decades ago, it isn't how our courts decide custody today.

Where did the automatic custody myth come from?

For many years, Alabama followed something called the Tender Years Doctrine. The idea was that children, especially babies and toddlers, were generally better off in their mother's care. Courts assumed mothers were the more appropriate caregivers for young children.

In the early 1980s, the Alabama Supreme Court held in Ex Parte Devine that the Tender Years Doctrine violated the Equal Protection Clause—that is, it discriminated against men. Since then, our courts have evaluated custody based on the parent able to provide care in the best interests of the child, without regard for which parent is Mom or Dad.

So how is custody decided in Alabama now?

Courts focus on one very broad question: What is in the best interests of the child?

That sounds simple enough, but it's actually a very detailed analysis based on the facts of your individual case. That means that your friend's sister's cousin's hairdresser's outcome won't necessarily be your outcome. No two cases are ever the same because no two families are the same.

The courts most commonly look at common factors that affect families:

The ages and genders of the children
Each parent's relationship with the children and the children's community
The child's educational, physical, emotional, and social needs
Each parent's ability to provide a safe and stable home
Which parent has historically provided care on a day-to-day basis
Each parent's work schedule, obligations, and ability to provide care for the children
Each parent's ability to accommodate the children's educational, social, and extracurricular activities
Each parent's mental and physical health as well as any history of substance use/abuse
Each parent's willingness to coparent and foster healthy relationships with the child
Any history of domestic violence, abuse, neglect, or criminal history
If the child has a preference, given the child's age and maturity

No one factor decides the case.

Does this mean fathers have equal rights?

Sure does. But that doesn't mean the dad automatically gets equal custody. It means the dad has an equal right to presumed fitness. Let's break that down.

If you're the mom, it means you need to stay on your game. You won't be able to sail through court on the assumption that you'll get custody because you've wiped every runny nose and changed every diaper. You'll have to show dad didn't do it because he can't do it , not because he just didn't feel like it. You'll have to show that you are overall better suited to care for your children, not just that you have more practice.

If you're the dad, it means you need to pull your weight. Just because you have the ability to get equal custody doesn't mean you will—you must also show that you are ready, willing, and able to care for your children as well as, or better than, their mother. This means you need to step up and be involved in your children's day-to-day lives if you aren't already. Don't let mom handle every doctor's appointment and parent-teacher conference and assume you'll be treated like you showed up.

So who usually wins custody?

Honestly, nobody. Because the goal isn't to crown a winner and a loser—it's to craft an arrangement that works for your children and your family. Sometimes that means one parent gets physical custody and sometimes that means a joint custody arrangement, and in either case, the schedule can be as unique as your family.

The bottom line is this: if someone has told you that mothers automatically get custody, they're relying on outdated information and anecdotes. The law has changed.

If you're facing a custody dispute, the best thing you can do is focus less on old myths and more on presenting the facts that show why the arrangement you're seeking is in your child's best interests.

Every custody case tells a different story. I'd be happy to help you tell yours.

What happens if I don't pay child support?

Thu, 14 May 2026 17:28:41 GMT

Ignoring it won't make it go away.

If you're behind on child support, you're probably wondering two things: How bad is this? and... What can actually happen to me?

The short answer: Alabama has several ways to enforce child support orders, and they can become increasingly serious the longer the support goes unpaid.

Here's what you need to know.

Child Support Doesn't Just Go Away

If you're ordered to pay child support, you're expected to make those payments unless and until a court changes the order.

Losing your job, having another child, moving out of state, or having your child live with you more often does not change your child support obligation. In fact, I've seen cases where a parent has custody of the kids and still has to pay support to the other parent until the Court orders it to stop.

Until a judge signs a new child support order, the order requiring you to pay remains in effect.

You Can Owe Back Child Support

Every missed payment becomes part of what's called an arrearage—the amount of unpaid child support you still owe. Generally speaking, you can't erase those missed payments later simply because your financial situation changed. That's why it's important to act early if you're struggling to keep up. The worst part? Arrears can accumulate interest at a staggering rate—usually 7.5% per year! That interest will make it even harder to get caught up when you fall behind.

Your Wages Can Be Garnished

One of the most common enforcement tools is wage withholding. Your employer may be required to deduct child support directly from your paycheck before you ever see the money. Your federal and state tax refunds can also be intercepted and applied toward your child support debt.

That money you're counting on may never make it into your bank account.

Your Licenses Can Be Suspended

Alabama law allows the state to suspend certain licenses for significant child support arrearages.

Depending on the circumstances, this can include your driver's license, some professional or occupational licenses, and even recreational licenses like hunting or fishing licenses. These can carry a wide range of consequences—from costing you your job to losing the ability to fish at Logan Martin lake. Taking care of your child support obligation is the best way to prevent these issues.

You Can be Held in Contempt

If the court finds that you had the ability to pay but willfully failed to do so, it can hold you in contempt of court and enter sanctions against you. Sanctions may include paying the other parent's attorney fees, fines, jail time, or community service.

What If I Truly Can't Afford It?

This is different. If you've had a genuine change in circumstances—like losing your job, becoming disabled, or experiencing a substantial decrease in income—you may be able to ask the court to modify your child support. The key word is ask .

You cannot simply decide to pay less. Only the court can change your obligation. And generally, modifications affect future payments—not the support you've already missed.

In fact, the advice I almost always give to my clients is to pay something even if you can't pay everything.

Don't Wait Until You're Deep Underwater

The biggest mistake people make is ignoring the problem. The longer you wait, the more you'll get behind. Getting more behind means more severe enforcement mechanisms and more interest owed.

If you're already behind, it's usually easier to address the issue now than after you've been served with a contempt petition.

Child support is a court order—not a suggestion. If you can pay, pay. If you genuinely can't, don't bury your head in the sand. Talk to a lawyer about your options before the situation gets worse. A proactive conversation today can often prevent a much bigger problem tomorrow.

What happens if I get arrested?

Wed, 13 May 2026 16:07:37 GMT

A bad mugshot isn't your biggest problem.

First things first: take a breath. Getting arrested is scary. Whether you saw it coming or it came completely out of nowhere, your brain is probably running through every worst-case scenario imaginable.

The good news? There is a process. It's not always fun, and it's definitely not fast, but it is predictable. Here's what usually happens after an arrest in Alabama.

Step 1: You're Arrested.

This is the part we're all most familiar with from watching Cops.

An officer tells you you're under arrest, places you in handcuffs, and searches you for weapons or contraband. This isn't optional. Even if you're cooperative. Even if the charge is minor.

This is also a good time to remember one very important rule: Don't try to talk your way out of it.

Anything you say can become evidence. Once you're under arrest, STFU. You aren't going to convince the officer not to take you to jail or change their mind about the charges. Be polite. Be respectful. Then shut the f%ck up.

I've watched too many good cases go downhill because my client tried to fix this problem themselves. They claimed the drugs, tried to explain why they acted in self defense, or offered to return the stolen property. This completely destroys (or at least significantly hinders) my ability to defend you—even when the officers did something wrong.

As part of your arrest, you will be searched—this includes anything on your person, in your bag, or in your vehicle if the arrest is from a traffic stop. Officers may ask you to tell them about anything you have on you because it will be "easier if you come clean rather than waiting until you get to jail." They're going to charge you with a crime anyway. STFU.

After you're searched, you're placed in the back of a police car to be transported to jail. The officer may try to make small talk with you. What's your rule? Yep: STFU.

Step 2: You're Taken to Jail.

This is embarrassing—there's no way around that. Once you get to the jail, you'll be booked in. This is the process of getting your photo, finger prints, and identifying information so you are entered into the jail system. Answer their questions politely, but otherwise STFU. Once you are booked in, your mugshot will be live on the jail website—this is the most embarrassing part, but it's okay. Even one president has gotten a mugshot.

You'll be searched again. Depending on a few factors, like your charge, what time it is, how busy the jail is, and whether you expect to be able to bond out quickly, the process may stop here. Often, people stay in booking and never get to meet new friends inside. You're only in long enough to get the paperwork done.

If you do get to stay a while, you will be asked to strip out of your clothes, and you will be given new (to you) jail clothes and flip flops. You will be assigned a very uncomfortable bed and given a "bed roll." This is the time to start working on getting bonded out.

Step 3: You Bond Out (Hopefully)

In a perfect world, you're given a very appropriate bond amount and someone who loves you is able to either pay cash, secure property as surety, or contact a local bondsman and arrange for you to be released quickly. Sometimes, you won't be able to bond out, so you remain in jail.

Bond is essentially an insurance policy that you will come back to court. If you bond out and don't come to court, you forfeit your bond (meaning that money is lost). Once you bond out, you should be very clear when your next court date is scheduled so you do not fail to appear for your initial appearance.

One reason people are unable to bond out is because they have pending warrants or "holds" for another jurisdiction. If you get arrested by a Gadsden police officer and taken to the Etowah County Detention Center, you may be kept there if you didn't resolve an outstanding issue with an Anniston city charge a few months before. In this case, once you're booked in for the Gadsden issue, even if you resolve it or bond out, you can't go home until you first go to Calhoun County and deal with your Anniston issue. If you have holds, you may be better off staying put and letting your lawyer work on triaging your plan.

Another reason people are unable to bond out is because their charge is a severe one. Under Aniah's Law, people charged with certain serious offenses may be kept in custody until a hearing takes place to determine if they should receive the ability to bond out.

Step 4: You Appear in Court

If you remain in jail, you will have a hearing within seventy-two (72) hours of your arrest. Some jurisdictions like Etowah County do the "72" by Zoom, while others will transport you to the courtroom to stand in front of the judge. At this 72 or Initial Appearance, you will be given your bond amount, advised of your rights, and you may be given a chance to receive an appointed attorney.

The most important thing to remember about this court date is that it is not your trial. It's not your time to call witnesses or explain anything. It's almost entirely an administrative process for the Court to move through required Constitutional procedures. You can't "win" or "lose" this hearing, so... STFU.

Step 5: You Get a Lawyer

The decisions that are made within the first few days of an arrest can have a lasting impact on the case. Certain deadlines begin to pass within days of getting arrested, so it's critical that you get an appointed attorney (if you qualify) or hire an attorney to discuss your case and plan your next steps.

An arrest is just the beginning of a long legal process—whether you're accused of something you didn't do or if you made a bad decision or ended up in the wrong place at the wrong time, it isn't irredeemable. We're here to help one bad day doesn't ruin your life. Whatever brought you here, you don't have to figure it out alone.

Call me. We'll talk through what's happening, explain what comes next, and make a plan together.

Can a victim drop the charges?

Tue, 12 May 2026 18:00:18 GMT

Not usually.

It's one of the first questions people ask after an arre st: "Can't the victim just drop the charges?" The answer is almost always no.

Once charges are filed, the case belongs to the State.

Even if the alleged victim called the police...

Even if they regret it...

Even if they've forgiven you and you've kissed and made up and all is well...

Even if they ask the prosecutor to dismiss the case...

They don't get the final say.

In Alabama, criminal cases are prosecuted by the State—not by the victim. That's why criminal cases are titled things like State of Alabama v. John Smith —not— Jane Doe v. John Smith

The District Attorney ultimately decides whether to continue or dismiss a case.

But what if the victim wants the charges dropped?

That information can absolutely matter. The prosecutor or district attorney's office will consider the victim's input to decide whether to dismiss a case. Factors like whether the victim wants to cooperate, if the victim has changed or clarified their statements, if the victim has moved away or moved on, and why the victim had a change of heart all play into the decision.

Sometimes a victim's wishes make a significant difference, and sometimes they make almost no difference at all. Every case is different.

What if the victim refuses to come to court?

That doesn't automatically end the case either. Depending on the circumstances, the prosecutor may continue the case, force the victim to appear through a subpoena, or use other evidence that doesn't rely on the victim's cooperation, like body camera footage, surveillance video, photographs, etc.

And this is something that should go without saying, but a lot of this job is saying the obvious part out loud: if you are charged with a crime, do not try to convince the victim not to come to court or interfere with the victim appearing in court. In fact, just don't have anything to do with the victim until the case is over. Besides, it's probably part of your bond conditions that you are to have no contact with the victim.

So what should you do?

Don't assume the case is "going away" because someone says they're dropping the charges. I've seen people ignore court dates, stop communicating with their lawyer, or decline plea offers because they believed everything would simply disappear. It rarely works that way.

Leave the victim alone —that includes the victim's friends, family, employer, mom-an-'em, everyone. And don't have anyone reach out on your behalf.

If you've been charged with a crime, the best thing you can do is speak with an attorney who can evaluate the evidence, explain your options, and help you build a strategy based on what is actually happening—not on what someone hopes will happen.

Should I Talk to the Police?

Mon, 11 May 2026 17:39:25 GMT

Nope.

Be polite , but do not answer their questions without a lawyer present.

What Happens at a Consultation?

Sun, 10 May 2026 17:27:14 GMT

Whatever you want, honestly.

The idea of a "legal consultation" can often feel intimidating—people tend to think of intimidating mahogany and legalese. But the truth? It's essentially a job interview for the lawyer.

Walking into a lawyer’s office for the first time is usually not anyone’s idea of a good day.

At Chestnut Street Legal, we know that. So your consultation is designed to do one thing: take something that feels overwhelming, confusing, or even embarrassing—and make it clear, structured, and manageable.

Here’s exactly what happens when you sit down with us.

Just say what’s going on (in your words, not legal ones)

No scripts. No judgment.

The lawyer may be some basic information to get an idea of what's going on, like your history and the names of any other people involved. We do this for two reasons: first, knowing the background helps us understand the options available; and second, we need to make sure we don't have any conflicts of interest in your case.

Then, we talk a little about what's happening—not always specific details, but the big picture facts, timeline, and parts that matter in court. The lawyer will probably ask a few questions along the way to get a clear picture of your circumstances.

We translate the situation into plain English

Once we understand the basics, we break down what the court process looks like, what deadlines are coming up, and what your responsibilities are at this point. At Chestnut Street Legal, we'll be honest about the outcomes you're facing—we won't just tell you what you want to hear or promise big outcomes we ultimately may not be able to deliver.

And you'll probably leave with homework. It may be going to AA/NA meetings or gathering bank statements, but we will make sure you know exactly what your next steps are.

This is where we shift from “what happened” to “what now.” We plan your case roadmap, determine if any urgent motions need to be filed, and start to discuss mitigation strategies. If something is a bad idea, we will say so directly. If something is fixable, we’ll tell you how.

We talk money clearly (and without pressure)

Because most lawyers have families to feed, fees are still part of the conversation. You'll discuss what representation would cost, how your fee is structured, payment options, and next steps if you decide to hire us—and we'll give you a fee agreement that spells out those details for you to take home and read over.

If money is a concern, we can also discuss a few plans for various price points, working with you to make sure you get the best outcome possible without breaking the bank.

You'll get your questions answered

Most people prefer to come to their consultation with a list of questions that have been on their mind. Sometimes those questions are about the lawyer's experience, approach, or credentials, and sometimes those questions are more concrete about the facts of the case—either way, we'll do our best to help answer them clearly and honestly.

The bottom line?

Your consultation is the time to determine if you and your lawyer will work well together. Do you trust this person? Can you be honest? Are you comfortable? Trust your gut.

Plenty of lawyers are qualified to handle your case, but the best lawyer in Birmingham can't do her job if you aren't honest or forthcoming about your situation. Nobody can tell you who to hire, just like nobody can tell you who to date or be friends with. This is your decision—listen to your gut.

I Missed Court. What Do I Do Now?

Sat, 09 May 2026 16:32:32 GMT

Most importantly: Don't panic!

Missing court happens—we're all human and we all make mistakes.

The bad news? You probably have a warrant for your arrest. The good news? We can fix it.

The first thing you should do to fix a missed court date is contact your lawyer. If you aren't sure who your lawyer is or if you have a lawyer, you can contact the Circuit Clerk's office for the county where your case is located to get your lawyer's name and phone number. If you don't have a lawyer, call me.

The next step will depend on why you missed court.

When there's a good reason

Look, sometimes we just miss things, and there's a perfectly good explanation. Maybe you were hospitalized, incarcerated, or working out of town—those are all really easy to prove, and usually pretty easy to solve. Get documentation that shows where you were when you missed your court date, such as a letter from your doctor or employer, and provide it to your lawyer. They may be able to contact the court on your behalf to have your case reset for a new day and time—no harm, no foul.

So what is a good excuse? A good excuse is when the court will probably believe you're telling the truth and missed court because of something out of your control. Didn't have a ride? It's not a bad excuse, but not a good excuse . Forgot about it? Overslept? Didn't have child care? Again, I get it—but that's not a good excuse . That's okay, though—it's still fixable.

When you just screwed up

Got scared? Worried about going to jail? Knew you had a warrant? These are bad reasons to avoid court, and generally will only make things worse. But hey, you're making a better decision now, right?

Your attorney may be able to get your case rescheduled, but the judge might want you to turn yourself in first. It's super annoying, but voluntarily surrendering will show the court you are serious about taking accountability and solving the problem.

If you have to turn yourself in, you will be booked into jail. You may be held for a few days, so make arrangements for your job, kids, pets, and house plants. Usually, at least in Northeast Alabama, the judges will reset your bond once you have been arrested, especially if you voluntarily turn yourself in without being "picked up" or brought in with new charges.

Whether you missed court for a good reason, bad reason, or no reason, the best thing you can do is to take accountability—even if it means going back into jail for a few days—while you still have control over the situation.

The worst thing you can do is wait.

Don't just hope it goes away. The longer you avoid the situation, the worse it will become. And when you eventually get pulled over for forgetting to use a blinker, you will be arrested, searched, and taken to jail. Even if your kids are with you. Even if you have some weed in the car. Even if you're on your way to work or Christmas dinner.

Then you'll have more to deal with than a missed court date—new charges, job consequences, custody consequences, impound fees, the list goes on.

Don't follow up a bad decision with a sloppy decision—if you miss court, we can fix it. Let's get to work.

I got arrested. What happens next?

Fri, 08 May 2026 15:34:02 GMT

You call me, duh.

If you found yourself here because you (or someone you love) was just arrested, I'm guessing you're somewhere between terrified, embarrassed, and frantically Googling every worst-case scenario imaginable.

Take a breath. An arrest is serious, but it is not the end of your story.

Whether you were arrested five minutes ago or five months ago, there are steps you can take to protect yourself—and the choices you make right now can have a real impact on your case.

Step One: Stop Talking.

This is the hardest advice for most people to follow. You want to explain. You want to tell your side. You want to convince the officer that there has been a misunderstanding. I get it.

But the police aren't interviewing you because they're undecided. Their job is to investigate. Your job is to protect yourself. Politely tell the officer that you want an attorney before answering questions.

Try this: "I understand you have a job to do, but I do not want to speak without my lawyer present."

Or this: "Respectfully, I am not answering any questions without a lawyer."

Then actually stop talking.

That includes the police, other people in the jail, social media posts, friends, witnesses, your momma, your dog...am I clear? There's a reason they tell you "anything you say can and will be used against you." And i f you're in custody, assume every phone call is recorded and everybody in the jail is looking out for themselves.

Step Two: Call Me. (See? I Told You.)

Whether you're sitting in jail, you've bonded out, or you just found out there's a warrant for your arrest, don't wait until your first court date to get legal advice.

The earlier I'm involved, the more opportunities we may have to protect your rights, preserve evidence, and start building your defense.

And no, you don't have to have every answer before you call. That's my job.

Step Three: Keep Every Piece of Paper.

Your bond paperwork, your court date, the charging documents, the tow slip, the receipt from the convenience store where you bought $10 worth of gas and a Coke earlier that day. Keep it all together. We'll sort through what's important.

Get a folder or a notebook to start keeping information together—this is your lifeline. Write down things as you remember them—names, people, places, even if it seems irrelevant. It will come back to you in small parts, and it may take years before your case goes to trial. Make notes about what you did the day in question–what you ate, where you ate, who you saw, what you were wearing, what the weather was like, if there was road work–and ask those who love you to do the same.

Step Four: Stay Out of Trouble.

This should go without saying, but it doesn't.

If you're out on bond, follow every condition. Show up to court. Don't contact people you're not supposed to contact. Stay in touch with me and make sure I always have up to date contact information for you. Work or be productive with your time. Don't post about your case online. If your case stems from drug or alcohol use, go ahead and start working on your sobriety–get help if you need it.

One bad decision doesn't have to turn into two.

So...What Happens Now?

The next steps will depend on the facts of your case. There isn't a one-size-fits-all outcome, which is exactly why having an attorney matters.

The Biggest Mistake I See? Waiting. People often assume they should wait until the week before court to hire an attorney. Please don't.

Important decisions are made long before anyone walks into a courtroom, and critical deadlines can pass within days of an arrest. The sooner we can talk, the sooner we can start protecting your future.

One Last Thing

I've represented people from all walks of life: everyone from teachers to career criminals. People who made one bad choice and people who have made hundreds. People in the wrong place at the wrong time, and people who are wrongfully charged.

An arrest doesn't tell me who you are. It's simply the reason we met. If you've been arrested in Northeast Alabama, let's talk about what comes next—and how we move forward from here.